The Opposite
It’s not working. It’s just not working. Despite having thirty years’ experience playing fantasy football my team did awful. Today, I found out that twelve year old Hope Golden did better than me in last year’s Scott Fish Bowl Fantasy Football Tournament. Actually, she did much better. Hope finished 8th out of 1,440 people. I finished 1,366th! Yes, I lost to a twelve year old. Just to put things into perspective, I had played fantasy football for seventeen years before she was even born!
Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not in an academic sense. However, I always knew when people were laughing at me. It suddenly all became very clear for me, sitting here, in front of my computer, that every fantasy football decision I have ever made has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I’ve made in fantasy football, whether it’s been who to draft, who to start, what article I should submit, etc. has all been wrong. And that’s when my friend Chad chimed in with his suggestion.
Chad, “Well, if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”
Hmnn…. I guess it’s worth a shot. Normally, this is where I would transition from my introduction by mentioning that my 2021 sleepers and busts are next. However, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t know each other very well. It’s been a long day. You’re probably tired. I think you should take a nap.
Right now you’re probably thinking, “What kind of fantasy football article is this?”
This is the opposite of every fantasy football article that you’ve ever read.
QB Carson Wentz
My Natural Instinct- Wentz recently underwent surgery on his foot in the preseason. In addition, the Colts starting left tackle, Eric Fisher, is injured. This will cause Wentz to rush his passes and take more hits, increasing his chance for injury.
The Opposite- Who needs a healthy foot and a good offensive line to do well?
QB Sam Darnold
My Natural Instinct- Darnold panics under pressure. He throws off his back foot too much, leading to a lot of interceptions.
The Opposite- Darnold will show poise under a blistering pass rush. He’ll set the NFL on fire with his gunslinger mentality.
QB Tom Brady
My Natural Instinct- Brady is one of the greatest QBs to ever lace them up. He’s more familiar with the playbook and has developed a good rapport with his talented WRs.
The Opposite- Brady is overrated. Anyone can win seven Super Bowl rings.
RB DeAndre Swift
My Natural Instinct- Swift is being drafted too high. He’s in a time share on a lousy team. He’s also had a difficult time staying healthy.
The Opposite- Swift will be used heavily and become a bell cow RB. He’ll stay healthy all year despite getting more carries. The Lions will turn into an offensive juggernaut.
RB Saquon Barkley
My Natural Instinct- Saquon is coming off a devastating knee injury. He plays on a team with a terrible offensive line and a shaky QB. He’ll be a bust.
The Opposite- Saquon will break the single season rushing record on one leg.
WR Sammy Watkins
My Natural Instinct- Watkins was a bust when he played for the NFL’s most prolific passing offense in Kansas City. If he can’t do well there, he can’t do well anywhere.
The Opposite- Watkins will turn his career around in Baltimore. The Ravens are the most run heavy offense in the league. Receiving yards and receptions are overrated for wide receivers in fantasy football.
WR Odell Beckham
My Natural Instinct- Beckham is ten months removed from having major knee surgery. There is no way he’s 100% healthy to start the season.
The Opposite- Beckham will defy the medical world and have his best season ever.
TE Kyle Pitts
My Natural Instinct- Trust my eyes which tell me that Kyle Pitts is the best tight end prospect I’ve ever seen.
The Opposite- Don’t believe anything I’ve seen. It’s all an illusion.
TE O.J. Howard
My Natural Instinct- Howard is coming off an Achilles injury which is notorious for ending many athletes’ careers. Howard won’t be the same player he once was.
The Opposite- Howard will be even better after tearing his Achilles tendon to ribbons.
Jennifer Aniston
My Natural Instinct- Notice Jennifer smiling at me in a restaurant and not do anything.
The Opposite- Go up to Jennifer, and say, "Hi, I’m unemployed, and live with my parents. Are you free Friday night?"
FSWA Judges
My Natural Instinct- Attempt to write the best fantasy football article possible and then thank the judges for their time.
The Opposite- Insult them as an embarrassment to the journalism profession, not worthy of reading my masterpiece.
